Could do a lot worse?

When did finding a good man become “she could do a lot worse”? Is that really the standard now days, “could do a lot worse”? “She could do a lot worse”. I’m so tired of hearing that. I get it, I am in no way an introvert who likes to be on my own, but dang! I have standards!!

Why don’t more women have standards? Why don’t more women think about the man with whom they are starting a relationship? Listen. To. People. Take wise counsel. Pray. Not every person is a hater just trying to bring people down. Sometimes they actually give a crap about you and are concerned with your choice man. If people know the patterns of the person your interested in, listen to them. Of course everyone has a past and you can’t hold that against somebody but recent-past is different than past-past.

Why do women settle? Do we really want someone that desperately that we are willing to compromise on VERY important things (i.e. jobs, cars, manners, respect, drugs, alcohol, spiritual leading)? Is it really too much to expect a man to have a job, vehicle, and manners? NO!

So why settle just so you don’t have to be alone?

 

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Job (like, from the Bible)

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Job lost so much in just one day: Donkeys, oxen, flocks of sheep, camels and the servants who cared for them. On top of losing all of that he loses his seven sons and three daughters. He lost all of that at the same time! This, THIS, is how Job responds: Tore his gown, shaved his head, fell to the ground and WORSHIPED God. It doesn’t say he cried and blamed and questioned God. No it says he worshiped God! Wow. This got me wondering about Job. What kind of family was he brought up in? Where did he come from? How could his faith be SO great? Had something happened in his life previously to make his foundation so strong? But then I thought, his story before this is not what matters nor could it really matter too much when you lose all 10 of your children at the same time!! Again, wow. God knew this would be Job’s reaction before this even happened and this is one of the reasons, I’m sure, he suggested Job to Satan.

What type of foundation is God securing in me right now? Because I know the last storm I just went through I could barely hold on. The way I handled this past storm is almost embarrassing when I think back on it. How could I allow myself to become so “victimized” in my own self-image?How do I make my faith stronger without cursing God and dying?  How can I be more like Job and less like Job’s wife?

 

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Goodbye Letter to 2015

1Goodbye,

December 31, 2015. I really never thought I’d see this day without you. I thought you were my forever. I thought we’d have the rest of our years together. I thought that someday we’d be gray haired looking into each other’s eyes in our rocking chairs on that porch we always talked about having.

As 2015 comes to a close so do the chapters of our relationship. It’s bittersweet to have those words on my lips. Bitter because it hurts, yes still hurts. Not in the same way it did when I realized our forever was never going to happen. It hurts because I’m saying goodbye to myself, my old self. The only self I’ve known for seven years. I’m giving up the dysfunctional, erratically behaved, and the all you consuming part of myself. I’m giving up my relationship sabotage because your glimmers of hope were more captivating. I’m giving up my masochistic self-destructing obsession with the “what ifs” and “maybe one day down the road”.

The end of 2015 will be sweet because I will no longer be under your spell. The spell of late night calls, tears of wishes that it could be, and feeling the need of our love to complete each other. I am no longer bound to you. I am releasing myself although you struggle to keep my heart in the slightest ways bound forever. I am releasing myself from you.

The end of 2015 will be bittersweet because it is the end of “us”. Forever. All of the highs that kept me hanging on by a thread and constantly gluing the broken pieces of our relationship will fade into beautiful memories. All of the lows that pushed me, beat me down, and made me wish I were dead will grow into the strength and dignity I will pass on to my future children.

I will be forever grateful for the love, fun, and beauty of our relationship. I will thrive from the unappreciation, control, and hate of our relationship. I am not hardened or bitter because what we had was real. Real life and real love. You truly helped push me into the Woman I am today. And for that I cannot regret you or the relationship we had. I am proud of the Woman I am today. She is strong, fierce, doesn’t take crap from anybody, smart, and most of all still open to love and to be loved.

So goodbye old friend may God bless you in your new life and adventures just as I pray for him to bless me in mine. If we see each other again someday I’ll look at you and smile with no bitterness or regrets in my heart because for the first time in seven years, I am at peace.

-A woman who can finally say goodbye

This post was also featured on a friend of mine’s blog see it here: The Renaissance Woman Blog

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