Levi Lusko says in his book, Through the Eyes of a Lion, “Masking pain doesn’t heal it any faster; it actually slows it down and stunts your rehabilitation.”
It’s officially been one year since my ex and I have been labeled girlfriend and boyfriend and that in itself is hard. Yesterday, 2.10.15, being the official day I kept busy to prove to myself I wasn’t sad or upset. I had this awesome blog planned to write up yesterday about moving on and about being healed and what I was free of from my unhealthy relationship.
However, I want to be real here.
Do you all remember the moment when you looked at
YOUR person and thought, “I am SO in love with you”? I remember this moment specifically like it were yesterday. There was nothing special about the day or the time and we had actually been together for 6[ish] years at this point. I was looking down to him from the upstairs window. He looked up at me and mouthed “I love you” then turned around to walk away to go about his business. I just kept staring after him just looking and thinking I LOVE this man with everything that is within me. Just looking at him while doing absolutely nothing special. Just after he turned and walked away he stopped, turned around, and looked up at me again. He saw me staring after him that’s when he smiled back because he knew. He knew exactly what I was thinking. In that moment he just smiled because loved me the same exact way I loved him and we both felt it in our souls. Thinking about that moment still makes me smile because it was so undeniable.
The best part of remembering moments like these is knowing that I don’t miss him like that anymore. This I can say is true. I don’t think on the moment at the window wishing for it back. I want to always remember how I felt in that moment so I know how I wish to feel again. But this time I am anxious now to have that “SO in Love” moment again in a different way with someone different. I owe it to myself to feel that way again but different…better, stronger, longer, selfless, healthy, kind, honoring, and above all lasting.
If you’re fresh out of relationship EVERYBODY tells you, “Time heals all wounds”. I just knew these people SURELY didn’t know how I felt. They may have had heartbreak, “but not like this”, “not like me”. Oh sweet friends, when I say I know what you’re going through I do. I may not feel it now like you do or I may not have experienced it the way you have. Although, in my own way, I was broken…just like you. So as the one year mark has passed can I say that I’m healed today? No, but I’m better than yesterday…and today, that’s ok with me.